Walking a mile in another person's hair.

What role does hair play in a person's life?
For some people they have cultural norms, religious norms that must be followed.
In America, certain jobs require certain looks.  Short hair for men and well kempt hair for women.  Grey hair is a sign of age.  Then there are more extreme hair styles.  Colors of the rainbow. Shaved hair on women, Long hair on men.
I want to focus on women and hair as beauty is important to most women.
I have lived with a few extreme hair styles.  I have lived through the reactions of breaking past the societal norms. It was a learning experience as well as a fashion statement.
When I was young my first extreme hair style was blue pink and purple colors.  I enjoyed the fun of it.  At my age of 18/19 I was looked at as free spirited and fun loving.  Irresponsible at worst.  But I never was given a second glance.  This is the most accepted by society of extreme hair but the least allowed in a work place unless you are really lucky.
I was never discriminated out right because of having blue hair.  I enjoyed the perks of being a dancer and free to look however I want.  I was exotic after all.
Then a few years down the line after life began to take its toll on me, I had a freak out.  I damaged my hair to become platinum.  It was beyond repair.  SO I being the extreme person I am...shave it off to near bald.  I saved the new hair growth and just got rid of the blonde.
I had originally become a platinum blonde because I had just had a baby and I wanted to be that perfect stepford wife and I lost my mind. 
Trying to fit into another person or societies value of normal does not suit me.  it rejects me.
So i looked in the mirror and I had to breathe in because this was the biggest change I had ever seen and it was irreversible until time changed its mind.
Eventaully my hair grew out and I left it alone.  All natural no hair dye.  It was healthy and happy.
I only dyed it red once and instantly regretted it. So I immediately changed it back to my typicl warm light brown/dark blonde.
I am just letting it grow and doing its thing.

But I reflect back on being near bald and the experience that was me not fitting into gender norms or society and its standard of beauty. Also on top of a time when gay marriage was being brought to the forefront.
I was working as a cashier and of course the uniform was unflattering.  It was a boxy polo shirt. Unisex.
I was called Sir several times.
Parents coached their children to tell me that they were supporting chic fil a and their stance against gay marriage.

I am not gay. Let me be blunt.

And everyday I encountered the general public and their generalizations about me.
I had a fiance, and a kid. I had only shaved my head because my long hair was ruined.  They did not ask me WHY i had short shaven hair.
Being white did not help.
Black women can have shaved heads and its called Fierce.
White women are called gay.

At least in my small town.

My eyes were opened to the prejudice of the world and all because I made a fashion choice.
I have learned that I will be judged on my looks at every turn.
I have learned that a vast majority of people are rude, arrogant and unenlightened.
And I got to experience first hand a taste of the daily prejudice that my GLBT friends face daily.

They are strong for living the life they have. No one chooses to be discriminated against.

Unless you are me, apparently.
This is how we all learn and grow.  This is killing the ego.

My hair is strong and thick now.
And I have a new endeavor that I am contemplating.

Dread Locks...
I have researched them in and out for 10 years now. I want them in the worst way.
I feel they will look very hippie on me.
And I would imagine that they would fit in now for "white" people because of the green organic movement.
However after more research I have read that "black" people feel it is racial appropriation. And that no one understands the implications of dreads.  Hopefully by Febuary I will have them.
Until then I gauged the reactions of people by just walking around a crowded store.  I had my hair in realistic fake dreads.  They give the illusion but wash out.

I hypothesized that I would get weird looks from ethnic people especially.  But in reality it was the same group of people that gave me hell about being bald.  Older white men. these shit heads think they make all the rules.
No one else cared and a few people smiled at me in a peaceful knowingly respectful way.
And this may be the most intersting hair style that I will take on.
Dreadlocks is a lifestyle not just a look...right down to the maintenance of them.

It is a commitment.
A lifestyle.
And there is apparently a community where it is accepted.

And I would like to delve a bit more into this as I have a feeling there is going to be discrimination for a white female wanting to wear this hair style near a conservative christian area.

The more I experience another person's pain from discrimination...even if I can shed it later...I can never undo how it feels.

I do not like this blog and im moving to a new one

this is a topic i like a lot more and i can actually use it as ameans to personal growth,


http://theveggiegirladventure.blogspot.com/

Getting Rid of Guilt

In order to fully enjoy life you have to be free.
In order to be free you have to rid yourself of guilt.


Many women are riddled with guilt.  Guilt happens when their is a conflict of interest between what a person wants and what they feel is the right thing to do.
People on a diet feel guilty eating a doughnut.
Many Mothers may feel guilt at enjoy themselves as they see this as a sefish act instead of as a giving one.  In order to be a complete individual a Mother needs to give to herself or else her own energy reserves will deplete. 
Mothers are often like candles that burn brightly on both ends, eventually she will burn out.
How do we recognize guilt and eliminate it?

Guilt is easy to recognize since it is almost an automatic response to doing something that is supposed to make you feel good but has the opposite effect.  A mother going out and buying a new pair of shoes may feel guilty if she comes home and finds that her child suffered so much a scraped knee.
How should she approach her feelings?
Firs realize guilt is a way to self punish.  Forgive yourself.  It most likely it not as bad as it seems.  As long as your child is looked after and cared for it is okay to enjoy life.  Buy yourself a yogurt, dress, or go out for a night with friends.  It will become easier with repeated exposure.
 Then act in a kind way to yourself.    It can be hard to forgive yourself but it is possible.

Do not get caught up in the insanity of trying to become the perfect mother.  You will be driven insane chasing the brass ring.  You are already the perfect mother.  Relax and enjoy life.

Let yourself be free.
Hark the Spark.

Life After Baby

There is an aspect of life that is often over looked and that is life after baby.  After the excitement of pregnancy and even after the excitement of the newborn comes...the rest of your life.

All too often I see women stop their lives completely and absorb themselves into their child.
They forget who they are completely.

They begin to suffer depression or anxiety.
Their marriage suffers.
Their career suffers or ends.
Friendships are neglected.

It does not need to be this way.  This is a very unfulfilling way to live and can cause resentment in the long run towards the child.  Because the child will grow up and leave the nest. 
Then what are you left with?
Empty nest syndrome.

It is important to not forget who you are and activities that you loved before pregnancy. 
A child will benefit from a mother who has interests and activities outside of them.  A child can learn from a mother who enjoys life.  They will learn to enjoy life as well.

It can be very hard to find the status quo and continue on with life after baby.  I always enjoyed following Marilyn Manson when he goes on tour and that activity is harder to do after baby but not impossible.  Other Mothers out there might enjoy something as simple as jogging or hiking for a couple hours every day or imbibing with their friends at a bar once a week. 
Do not stop these activities.  Find a way to continue them.

There will be judgments from other mothers or women who will say you are neglectful but the truth is you are not being neglectful of the child as long as the child is cared for in your brief absence. This is not you abandoning your child.

This blog will become a place to learn how to keep your individuality while raising a family.

The activities you do to stay sane are your inner spark.  Listen to it.  Let the guilt go.
Hark the Spark!