There is an aspect of life that is often over looked and that is life after baby. After the excitement of pregnancy and even after the excitement of the newborn comes...the rest of your life.
All too often I see women stop their lives completely and absorb themselves into their child.
They forget who they are completely.
They begin to suffer depression or anxiety.
Their marriage suffers.
Their career suffers or ends.
Friendships are neglected.
It does not need to be this way. This is a very unfulfilling way to live and can cause resentment in the long run towards the child. Because the child will grow up and leave the nest.
Then what are you left with?
Empty nest syndrome.
It is important to not forget who you are and activities that you loved before pregnancy.
A child will benefit from a mother who has interests and activities outside of them. A child can learn from a mother who enjoys life. They will learn to enjoy life as well.
It can be very hard to find the status quo and continue on with life after baby. I always enjoyed following Marilyn Manson when he goes on tour and that activity is harder to do after baby but not impossible. Other Mothers out there might enjoy something as simple as jogging or hiking for a couple hours every day or imbibing with their friends at a bar once a week.
Do not stop these activities. Find a way to continue them.
There will be judgments from other mothers or women who will say you are neglectful but the truth is you are not being neglectful of the child as long as the child is cared for in your brief absence. This is not you abandoning your child.
This blog will become a place to learn how to keep your individuality while raising a family.
The activities you do to stay sane are your inner spark. Listen to it. Let the guilt go.
Hark the Spark!
Very well put. As a Dad/Father of 5, I have seen and experienced a Mom losing herself into a baby. Its uncomfortable and costly. I believe they used to call it " Postpartum depression" or would blame similar issues for it. Having a baby isn't "The End". Its "The Beginning". And learning that the "Journey", is what makes having and raising a baby so amazing and fulfilling. And the Mother that keeps her life moving forward, will instill new and nurturing experiences to the baby. A real DAD should be a major part of the Mom's health too. And of course, the support of family and friends is always important.
ReplyDeleteThat is too true! Dads definitely play an important role in raising a household. Post partum depression is an awful funk to fall into. Thank you for the comment!
DeleteHow do we judge the appropriate balance between being a parent and being an individual? Also, what sacrifices do you think you've made to who you were in order to raise your child? What good are parents to their children if they become robots? People are told too often that to be a good parent they have to give their lives to their children.
ReplyDeleteI have made many sacrifices for my child. Besides the obvious giving of my youth, freedom and flat tummy, I have sacrificed my time and sanity. I worked a slave wage job I hated just so he could have insurance and that insurance ate my whole paycheck. So at times I even sacrificed being able to eat. I started giving too much and it about destroyed me. I am in a happier place now, mainly I am happy as long as I am able to eat. I guess I want my audience to be the people who completely lose themselves and hopefully I can help them regain a small bit of individuality. I understand eing a parent is about giving all of yourself but you dont need to sell yourself down the river either.
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