In order to fully enjoy life you have to be free.
In order to be free you have to rid yourself of guilt.
Many women are riddled with guilt. Guilt happens when their is a conflict of interest between what a person wants and what they feel is the right thing to do.
People on a diet feel guilty eating a doughnut.
Many Mothers may feel guilt at enjoy themselves as they see this as a sefish act instead of as a giving one. In order to be a complete individual a Mother needs to give to herself or else her own energy reserves will deplete.
Mothers are often like candles that burn brightly on both ends, eventually she will burn out.
How do we recognize guilt and eliminate it?
Guilt is easy to recognize since it is almost an automatic response to doing something that is supposed to make you feel good but has the opposite effect. A mother going out and buying a new pair of shoes may feel guilty if she comes home and finds that her child suffered so much a scraped knee.
How should she approach her feelings?
Firs realize guilt is a way to self punish. Forgive yourself. It most likely it not as bad as it seems. As long as your child is looked after and cared for it is okay to enjoy life. Buy yourself a yogurt, dress, or go out for a night with friends. It will become easier with repeated exposure.
Then act in a kind way to yourself. It can be hard to forgive yourself but it is possible.
Do not get caught up in the insanity of trying to become the perfect mother. You will be driven insane chasing the brass ring. You are already the perfect mother. Relax and enjoy life.
Let yourself be free.
Hark the Spark.
This particular issue strikes a chord with me. I have never found the balance between my duties to my child and my own wants as an individual. Because of my upbringing I have veered so far in favor of his wants and needs that I am unsure of what mine are anymore. An example of this would be books. I used to love to read and had amassed quite a collection of books, both new and old (mostly old). I have started selling them off on eBay for pennies on the dollar because I never have the time to read them and when I do have the time to read my mind is preoccupied with thoughts of what I should be doing with/for him. I rationalize the decision by saying that if I really want to read those books I can pick up copies of them at the local library in almost all instances. I do not resent my son for my behavior. These are my choices. He did not ask me to give up wanting things. However, I do worry what I am teaching him through this self-denial. I don't want him to think that it's wrong to take time for oneself to be happy and feel satisfied through an activity that is solely for oneself.
ReplyDeleteStriking the balance between personal needs and the needs of your children is pretty much the whole point of this blog. It may seem selfish to say WAIT and take a moment for yourself, but its not within reason. Do it once a day.Just say stop..and do your thing.
ReplyDelete